why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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