How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
