then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
