Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
