nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
