I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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