well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
