just tell him i said nine months
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
