We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
