im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Quick, to the slutcave!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
