in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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