He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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