You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
