i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
