Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
