Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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