Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
