Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
