i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
