That's intense
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize