i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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