how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
