Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
