Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm really busy with my period
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