I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I look better un-naked...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
