goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Still dying that you shit outside
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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