My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
