Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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