I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
