Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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