i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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