they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he just fucked me for my cheese..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize