Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
