please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
