do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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