Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
