Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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