After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
