I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
