Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We talked him into tasing himself.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize