I cockslap morals
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
