is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So drunk its hurt
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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