We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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