Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
