I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
