Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
