Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
