Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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