Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My liver just had a heart attack.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're a disaster
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