Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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