I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
