Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
