Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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