Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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