Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
