...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
