I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
