We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
