I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
