she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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