Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
