i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He did a backflip because drugs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
