Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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