You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
