guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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