please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize