Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
