Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
