We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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