Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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