The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
sarcasm needs its own font
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
