Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
