somebody snuck up and got me drunk
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
