the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize