Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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