haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
