First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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