How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
