Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
