apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
