I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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