if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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