I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
