Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
