that's an acceptable place to lick
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize
