Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
