im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
