just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
