I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
