It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
